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Why You Self-Sabotage (It’s Not What You Think) and How to Stop
You know the feeling. You set a goal. You are genuinely motivated. This time, you tell yourself, it will be different. Then, you find yourself scrolling on your phone for an hour instead of working on that project. You agree to too many social events when you need to focus. You make a simple mistake that derails everything. It is as if you have an internal saboteur, and you cannot seem to fire them. What if I told you that self-sabotage is not a moral failing? It is not a sig
Clara Tan
Oct 303 min read


The Comparison Trap: Why Everyone Else's Life Looks Easier
You are scrolling. Again. Another holiday picture. Another career announcement. Another person your age who seems to have it all figured out. A heavy feeling settles in your chest. Their success looks so effortless, so linear. Meanwhile, your own path feels like a constant, messy struggle full of wrong turns and dead ends. It is a feeling I know well. I was stuck in this loop for a long time. It took me a while to realise that this feeling is not a true measure of my progress
Clara Tan
Oct 283 min read


I Thought I'd Be a Better Mum Than Her
Before I became a mother, I had this friend who was struggling. Overwhelmed, exhausted, constantly losing her patience with her kid. I'd watch her snap and think, "I wouldn't do that. I know better. I studied early childhood education. I understand how a mother's stress affects a child's development." When I offered to babysit or shared what I'd learnt, I thought I was being supportive. But I wasn't, really. I was just stood there on my high horse of zero actual experience, s
Clara Tan
Nov 123 min read


Why Can't We See Our Own Strengths?
Ask someone to list their flaws and they'll rattle off ten things in seconds. But ask them about their strengths? Blank stare. Awkward silence. 'Um, I don't know, I'm okay at some things I guess?' Why is it so hard to see what we're actually good at? I've been thinking about this a lot, and honestly, I think it's a combination of everything. Let me break it down. If It's Effortless, It Must Not Be Valuable This is the big one for me. We've been taught that hard work pays off
Clara Tan
Nov 84 min read


Why I'm Done with "Fix Your Weaknesses" Parenting
In Part 1 , I talked about how our parents' generation wasn't actually 'tougher' than us, they were just surviving. And now we're trying to do things differently. But here's the thing: knowing we want to parent differently and actually knowing HOW to do it are two very different things. So let's talk about what didn't work, and what I'm trying to do instead. The Way We Were Raised When we were growing up, the focus was always on weaknesses. Where are you falling behind? What
Clara Tan
Nov 53 min read


"We Didn't Have Childhood Trauma Back Then" (And Other Lies We Tell Ourselves)
You've probably heard it before. Maybe from your parents, maybe from an older relative, maybe in some comment section online. 'In our time, we didn't have all these issues. We weren't soft like that. Childhood trauma? We just got on with it.' And look, I get it. I understand where they're coming from. But can we be honest for a second? They DID have trauma. It just wasn't called that. It Wasn't Normalised, But That Doesn't Mean It Was Normal The older generation wasn't 'tough
Clara Tan
Nov 53 min read
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